If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
