oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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