i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
