It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
