I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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