I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sober January is a disaster.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
