playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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