after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
