he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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