that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize