Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize