I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
