Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
