Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
