Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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