Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
