I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
