No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize