Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
