your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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