I think I am morally bankrupt
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
worst night to have a conscience
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
