ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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