omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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