She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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