Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
