SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
