We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He passed out mid-signature
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
