i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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