She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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