Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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