do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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