I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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