lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
