I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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