I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
