You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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