Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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