I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
