so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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