What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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