I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
