sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
