I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
