I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize