I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
