Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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