Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
