"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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