he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
