There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
