when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
