My girlfriend figured out who you are.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
