just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
