I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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