Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
