wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
