I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pants are for mortals
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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