Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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