I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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