he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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