so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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