True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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