Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
