he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
