Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
