I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
